- State and Main - "DEU A LOUCA NOS ASTROS"
Doc...
those pills you gave me for my back,
I'm not sure that they work.
Well, I'm not sure either,
but you don't hear me complain.
Step by the office
at the end of the afternoon.
Thanks, Doc.
They're kidding, right?
No, they're not kidding. This is your movie.
This is small town America.
The town in New Hampshire was small town America, too.
$40,000 a day to shoot on the street
and then they kick us out.
That's life in the movie business.
But look here--
a jacket for $5.
I could buy this whole town for 50 bucks.
You told me that about the last town.
Yeah, but they never shot a movie here.
I'm bleeding, Bill. I'm bleeding.
Why am I here?
What do they got to pass for the old mill?
There you go.
The Waterford Mill.
Built in 1 825. A longtime tourist attraction.
Wake up, Umberto.
We're here.
- Where are we? - Give him a cigarette.
They send the old mill from New Hampshire?
They're holding our old mill for ransom.
- We build one. - They got one.
We build a fire hut.
Okay, but we have to lose the window.
We can't lose the window.
Then I can't do the shot, Wally...
You want me to push in through the window.
Look.
I can't push in through the window.
We go back to New Hampshire, eh?
No, we can't ever go back to New Hampshire.
No, we're going to stay here.
This is what my people die for--
the right to make a movie in this town.
What was wrong with the old traffic light?
I'm glad you asked.
I'll tell you what was wrong with it,
it was behind the times.
- Good morning, darling. - Morning.
You want to bring business to this town,
you have to plan for a Waterford
that does not exist. Not at this moment, no.
You have to live in the present, folks.
You can not live in the past.
Good morning.
- Hi, Annie. - Hi, Carla.
I'm going to be a little late for the rehearsal tonight.
It's okay, Maude. Do you know your lines?
I know them.
I don't know what order they come in.
We'll work it out.
Now, what shall we have that's good to eat?
- What are they on about? - Traffic light.
Jack's right.
Public office is a public trust.
This is why this is America.
That's right.
The question is who owns the street?
That is the question.
Lots of room.
Uh huh.
Marty!
We got a new town.
Yeah, it's a-- Where are we again?
Waterford, Vermont.
It's--
Where is it?
That's where it is?
Here, talk to Bill.
You have got to get me Main Street for nothing.
I will.
Marty, Bill.
Okay, put her on.
Yup.
Kathy,
stand by.
Everyone goes to Waterford, Vermont.
Well, look on a bigger map.
God, she makes me cranky.
May I help you?
Yeah, I'd like to speak to the manager.
Would you like a room?
No, we want to rent the whole hotel.
Because.
Because we don't have to build an old mill.
They have an old mill.
Yeah, it's on a stream.
That's where you put an old mill.
- They run on water. - Uh huh.
Okay, I'm looking at--
I've got scene 1 2.
Come in.
Uh huh. Thank you.
Shouldn't you be in school?
It's night.
Scene 1 2, the arrival at the mill.
All right, work it out and get back to me.
Mr. Price?
What?
What is it? We're working.
“Bring it in on time and there's more
where these came from. Marty.
P.S., I want to talk to you about a product tie-in.”
Somebody make a note.
I want for the broad-- What does she like?
Lilacs.
A truckload of lilacs when the broad comes.
And get something for Bob Barrenger.
Get him-- What does he like?
Bob Barrenger? Bob Barrenger is in this movie?
- That's correct. - He's staying here?
Put something in his room. What does he like?
1 4-year-old girls.
Well, get him something else.
Let's try to get out of this town in one piece.
Get him half a 28-year-old girl.
How's my math?
Woman: Who wanted these storyboards?
Bill: Sound department said
there's no hold up on the KMR-81.
Two of the caterers are down with botulism.
And Umberto tells me he can't take this shot
unless they let him take out the Firehouse window.
I need my lucky pillow.
I need to talk to you about her nude scene.
I need that permit to shoot on Main Street.
I need to speak to the mayor.
- Well, speak to him. - We can't find him.
Are you ever in school?
There are other things to be learned.
Is that true? Like what?
Like the mayor's here.
- What's his name? - Mr. Bailey.
- Hi, Mr. Bailey. - You've got to do these again.
Okay.
Mr. Bailey.
Mr. Bailey, Walt Price.
I'm going to be your director.
I lost my typewriter.
I have to tell you, I can not express to you
- how happy-- - We're glad to have you here.
No phone calls. I'm with the mayor.
Yes, can I speak to my wife, please?
This isn't our firehouse.
No, that's a firehouse in New Hampshire.
Why did you leave New Hampshire?
Would you like a cigar?
Aren't these illegal?
Why would they be illegal?
Well, the trade embargo against Cuba.
Nobody tells me anything.
Well, you know, uh...
I'd like to say that
anything I can do--
That's very kind of you. As a matter of fact,
I'd hate to bother you with this...
We need a shooting permit for Main Street.
Whatever you need.
Uh, the city council, of course, will have to--
The city council.
--will have to pass on your permit.
But that's less than a formality.
It is?
I am the city council.
Well, Mr. Mayor, that's very kind of you.
My wife would like to invite you
to have dinner with us at our home.
And I hate to be a pain about this--
Oh, I would be delighted, are you kidding me?
Well, well, I won't take more of your time.
No, not at all.
I can't imagine the responsibility--
Actually I can imagine because
once I had to video my grandniece's confirmation...
Walt, it's Marty on the coast.
We'll see you Tuesday for dinner.
It was one of the great, great pleasures meeting you.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
I found your lucky pillow.
It's Marty on the coast.
Of course he's on the coast.
Where's he going to be, the Hauge?
What?
Marty, hi?
The new town's cheaper than the old town.
We're going to save a fortune.
Because? Because we don't have to rebuild the old mill.
They've got an old mill. They've got a firehouse--
Baby, baby, baby,
I want to save the money just as much as you do.
Just put it on the end of the counter there.
Right on the counter.
Whoa? Whoa whoa whoa?
You wiped out the board?
Dinner with the mayor. Write it big.
That's just what we need, to miss dinner with the mayor.
Marty, we've got to talk about this schedule.
I got to have an extra day on the dead horse gag.
I'm serious.
No, it gets worse.
I need another half day on the old mill pond.
We can't shoot in the old mill.
Marty, uh... call me back in two minutes.
We can't shoot in the old mill.
I just talked to the mayor. He told me anything we need.
- It burnt down. - When did it burn down?
1 960.
Part of a spate of suspicious fires.
The old mill--
You told me they had an old mill.
by a disturbed teenager, were in fact the inspiration
for the Waterford Huskies.”
Hi.
Does it have to be an old mill? Where have you been?
I was in New Hampshire. I was at the old location.
We can't shoot the old mill.
You know, they told me there were going to be jokes.
Kid the new guy.
That's not quite it.
The old mill burned down.
Can't you build the old mill?
We're out of money.
You built the old mill in New Hampshire.
They're holding the old mill for ransom.
Oh.
Why did we have to leave New Hampshire?
Hello, Marty.
What would they have used instead of an old mill?
I need it tonight.
Yeah, Marty, you were saying?
I can't write it.
Why?
I lost my typewriter.
Get Mr. White a typewriter.
I can only write on manual.
I know the feeling.
Typewriter for Mr. White?
You know, that's a lie.
- That's a real fault. - It's not a lie.
It's a gift for fiction.
Off you go.
Bill.
How big is this horse?
1 5 halves.
What is that in fingers?
Just kidding. Get me this horse.
That horse is booked.
Tell the guy-- Get me this horse?
Tell the guy...
I'll give him an Associate Producer credit.
I'll give the horse an Associate Producer credit.
Put a VHS, an air conditioner
and a refrigerator in that room,
she's gonna blow.
The labor with the first child can sometimes be prolonged.
What's an Associate Producer credit?
It's what you give to your secretary
instead of a raise.
This isn't Evian water.
It's water.
Can't sign for it, sorry.
She's going to blow.
Well, you rewire.
I rewire it, I have to tear out half the wall.
I'm looking for my typewriter.
- Bill, I found lilacs. - Put them in her room.
Tommy, you got to send somebody running
for a new dead horse.
Did they find my typewriter?
- Bob! Bob! - Oh, my God.
Mr. Barrenger, Mr. Barrenger!
I told you, all of you. Get back, get back.
This man is a guest here.
Hi, I'm uh...
Oh, sir, I know who you are.
...Bob Barrenger. I'm with the movie.
Sir, we're so... We're so--
Front!
I've seen-- I know everybody says this,
but I've seen every one of your movies.
Show Mr. Barrenger to his room.
Your room is 21 4 through 1 7.
I'm Scott Larkin.
Anything you need, this is my private line.
Oh, thank you very much, Scottie.
I'm just here to do a job like the rest--
- Hey, Bob! - Hey, Tommy.
I heard your wife's having a baby.
Do they know who the father is?
They think it's your first wife.
Oh, that could be.
Now get out of here.
I'm going to get you a list
of Mr. Barrenger's dietary requirements.
- Mr. Barrenger! - Chuckie, not today.
Mr. Barrenger has just arrived.
Oh, that's all right.
Chuckie.
How do you spell that, son?
With an “ie”?
Chuck, what are your hobbies?
Baseball?
Chuckie...
that's the national sport.
Thank you.
Here you go, Dad.
Man: I'll tell you what else. In the land of freedom
we get to choose what we have for breakfast.
You think that's nothing? Go live under communism.
Here's your bowl of kasha. Eat it and shut up.
Vanilla frappé, two tuna BLTs,
What's a tuna BLT?
It's for the movie people.
Well, I for one am glad of a little diversion
and I'm glad they're here.
What I'm saying is,
we have to look out for our own.
They want to close down Main Street.
You want to talk about Main Street,
why don't you fix the pot hole?
Doug, it's-- what, three days?
Three, four days?
You know what we're gonna have?
A record of our wonderful life.
Why don't you stick
to the amateur theatricals?
This is not quite the same thing, you see.
This is big business
in which our life is no less a commodity than--
Help me out here.
Woman: Water or mineral deposits?
Well, that's what I'm saying.
I think that they're nice.
I'm sure they are.
As nice as they are...
they should be thankful they can choose their breakfast.
Why? Because they don't live under communism.
Communism's over.
That's what they said about Warner Brothers in 1 985.
But if you look at their price per share today...
Well, hard to argue with that.
Dad, I've got to go to Terry's house to study tonight.
I want you home by 9:00.
I want to tell you something.
You stay soft all your life, people will despise you.
It awakens adverse in them.
They take advantage of you.
And that's human nature.
Oh, are you going to be home tonight?
I might have something important to tell you.
What is it, a surprise?
That's right.
She could have done better than him.
It takes all kinds.
That's what it takes?
I always wondered what it took.
Excuse me.
Your sign says you'd be back at 2:00.
It's a quarter to 3:00.
Oh. Uh...
You doing a play?
Local drama group.
Northern Books.
No, it hasn't come in yet.
As soon as it does.
You too, Marge.
A little, small town, I suppose you have to make your own fun.
Everybody makes their own fun.
If you don't make it yourself it ain't fun,
it's entertainment.
See my point? Northern Books.
What can I do for you?
I need a typewriter.
We got them.
North-- No,
Henry James was the novelist, Frank James was a criminal.
Yup, you came to the right place.
Jesse James was the brother...
of the novelist, that's right.
That's all right, Suzy. See you tomorrow.
Okay.
I want to rent this one.
Why don't you buy it? Only 40 bucks.
I had one, but they lost it.
You buy this typewriter,
I will get it all spruced up for you,
good as new. Better than new
because it has some history.
The other one had history, too.
I wrote my play on it.
You wrote a play on it? What play is that?
You never heard of it.
What's it called?
“Anguish.”
“Anguish,” by Joseph Turner White.
You're Joseph Turner White?
- That's right. - Good afternoon, Annie.
Girls, this man wrote this play.
Is that a fact?
Well, is it a good play?
Yes, Maude, it is. It's a very good play.
A very good play indeed.
What's he doing here?
What are you doing here?
Writing the movie.
You're writing the movie?
Yeah.
What's it about?
It's about the quest for purity.
Scene blah blah blah, they meet.
“Sister, I've just come from a fire.
There are some things I want to think out?”
That's bad because?
Because he wouldn't say that.
Look, Sister, I've just come from a fire.
There are some things I want to think out.
Come on. Come on.
Leave me alone? A gesture? All right?
What else?
Page three. “It's a nice evening.”
I'm not gonna say that,
“It's a nice evening.”
- Yeah, okay. - Come on.
Yeah? Come in?
Joe? You know Bob?
I grew up on your movies.
Do you mind if I don't go through the usual bullshit
about how much I loved it?
I mean, okay, fine, but it's a motion picture.
You're gonna bore them to death.
Come in?
I brought your sandwich.
Thanks, honey.
Next time bring two. Save yourself a trip.
The people came to see a motion picture.
Hold on.
No, no, you can go.
Page five.
The fucking horse dies.
You know, she could be in the movie.
- She could. - Oh, boy.
She's got a good face. She could be the doctor's--
Why does it have to be his wife?
- It could be his, uh... - Stick to business, will you?
- Can we do that? - You're absolutely right.
You go start doing that stuff in this town...
Hey, everybody needs a hobby.
Okay, look, page--
Claire.
You know Bob Barrenger?
I just saw “ Desert Sun.” I want to tell you...
No, I was... I was just learning on it.
How did you like working with Richard Hill?
I loved it.
Joe White.
How can I thank you?
How can I repay you for this part?
It's a...
What a...
Thank you for this part.
The first scene at the old mill--
Joe's been having some thoughts about the old mill scene.
What is there to think about?
The scene is perfect.
I get to say--
Yeah, but Joe's been-- He's been having a few thoughts.
How many times in your life
do you get a speech like that?
Yeah.
This scene is why I'm doing the movie.
Look at the mill, Frank.
Look at the way it goes around.
Half the time the darn wheel's under water,
but still it rises up, Frank.
It rises up
as high as it can go.
Tsk.
Yeah.
Um, that's true.
Joe, you want to, um--
you want to tell Claire
about the thoughts you've been having
about the old mill scene?
So young. So innocent. So full of promise.
I beg your pardon?
I've got your typewriter.
I don't need it, I quit.
- You quit? - Quit the movie.
Why'd you quit?
Hey, why in the world would you quit?
Why I quit is not important,
but thank you for your help.
Uh huh.
Actually, I'm not sure if I quit.
I think I got fired.
No.
I'm such a liar, I never could tell the truth.
Don't be hard on yourself.
But I just got kicked off my first movie.
Well, everybody has reversals.
If you were never down,
how would you know when you were up?
You have a gift for words.
It's in your play.
Oh.
Evening, Annie. See you at rehearsal.
You know your line?
Rise. One need not bend the knee before the throne of justice.
Go, you Huskies.
He leaves the clothing out all night?
Yup.
Isn't he afraid it's going to get stolen?
Ain't worth stealing.
Only thing in town worth anything
is that stained glass window.
Waterford historic firehouse, 1851.
Did you ever wonder why the dalmatian
is the symbol of the firehouse?
The first organized fire department
was on the border of Dalmatia and Sardinia
in the year 642.
That's why the dalmatian?
It was either that or a sardine.
Morning, Bucky.
Here you go, pal.
You grew up here?
Central High and matinees at the Bijou Theater.
- Nice town. - Oh, yeah.
Do you want to talk about it?
Uh uh.
You see...
the sanctity of every day things.
Every day things, yes.
For example,
the heat's coming from a fire,
and um--
That's a fine house.
You know when you look at that you know nice people live there.
I live there.
Really?
The porch swing and everything?
Surest thing you know.
I don't mean to impose, but...
do you think we might...
That's what the swing's there for.
That's what the swing is there for?
Uh huh.
That's its purpose, isn't it?
I always thought so.
It's such a pleasant sound.
Uh huh.
Because it's...
it's the simple things.
Well, there you are.
And have I got big news for you.
This is Joe White and this is... this is...
uh uh...
my fiancé, Doug Mc Kenzie.
It's a pleasure.
Guess who is this close to a nomination to State Senate,
which is this close to one step from Congress?
Who?
It was lovely meeting--
Mr. White is working on the movie.
It's a pleasure meeting you.
- And we were just-- - Let me tell you,
they were a bit coy at first.
I told them, look, the people are tired.
They're going to vote their pocket book, yes,
but they're going to vote their heart.
How do I know?
I'm out there with them every day.
Go down to the lumber mills,
go down to the truck stops
and you'll see people of this great land
working, playing, moving...
What happened in 1 975?
The 1 9--
Don't run off.
We need you.
You know why?
You're why we're here.
Your script is why we're here.
Big deal, we fight a little bit.
You show me a family that doesn't.
But we've got something good here.
You know what it is?
We're here to make a movie.
We can't use the old mill.
That happens. What you got to do,
you've got to figure out the essence.
What is it that brought us all here?
It wasn't a building, Joe.
It was an idea.
What is the essence of your story, Joe?
It's about a man who gets a second chance.
Then you write that.
And then this is our second chance.
That's why we're all here.
I want to make a good film.
I know you do!
Maybe it will be a better film
without the old mill.
Hey, it's with the gods. We don't have the money.
We got to write it out, the best or not.
And that's a lesson.
Did you get your typewriter yet?
No.
Grace,
get on the other phone.
Get Mr. White his typewriter.
Have what's her name send up some nosh.
What do you like to drink?
- I don't drink, - Did my matzos come?
Get some for everybody.
Thank you.
Let me tell you about my first picture.
The chairs go.
- The lazyboy goes. - Not the lazyboy.
The lazyboy goes.
Hi, Sherry. Where do you want it?
Put it in the living room.
And we have 13 at table.
We don't have 13 at table.
Bob Barrenger, Claire Wellesley, the director--
- Invite someone else then. - I don't want to invite someone else.
Because this is the most exclusive dinner--
Well, then you do whatever makes you happy.
I'll be back with the butter churn.
And we need a blunder buss.
The woman's gone crazy about this dinner party.
George.
I want a city council meeting.
City council?
Doug, the traffic light--
Fuck the traffic light.
I'm talking about 3% of the adjusted gross
of a major motion picture.
Hi.
I love your script.
- What? - You're still here.
Morning, Annie.
See you at rehearsal tonight.
In the name of justice, sir, I bid you pause,
for she is our queen.
That's very good.
In fact, I'm not sure if I gave them a second chance
or if they're giving it to me.
That's the truth. The truth's best, don't you think?
You'd know better than me.
How can you say that?
It's in your script.
It's about getting a second chance, isn't it?
You can go back.
But how do I... how do I do a film
called “The Old Mill” when I don't have an old mill?
Well, first you got to change the title.
No, he doesn't want to work out
with the Waterford Huskies.
Because he's Bob Barrenger.
Call his girl in Aspen.
Get her to ship his weights.
There you go, sir.
Well, fine, then he's not going to do the pond scene.
Not unless he can work out.
Call his girl in Aspen, get her to ship the weights out.
How much can they weigh?
Walt, are these the ones?
Yes. Who designed these costumes?
Who designed these costumes?
It looks like Edith Head puked
and that puke designed these costumes.
- Get Courtney. - Your wife's on the phone.
I have no wife?
Okay.
Tommy,
we need a new name for the movie.
Where's the writer?
Roger.
Wally, I got to take out the window from the dog.
- Walt? - I can't shoot through...
- What? - Claire has a problem.
If I have a moment of your time.
- I cannot do the shot you want. - Why not?
Because it's got a window with dogs in it.
You want me to push in, or lose the shot.
No, you cannot lose the shot.
The meaning of the film is in that shot.
- But the window to the Fire-- - I don't care.
Fix it.
- Courtney... - Hmm.
Did you show Claire these sketches?
- Yes. - Did she throw up?
That's not very nice.
Oh, really?
Why don't you sue me in the world court?
Did she like the costumes?
- I can't tell. - Why not?
She won't stop crying.
Oh, goody.
Find out when Marty Rossen's arriving.
Get some lilacs to send to the broad.
The town's out of lilacs.
You go to her room, you take the lilacs from the water,
dry them, get some cellophane,
wrap them up, get a card from Marty.
Right.
What's her problem?
She doesn't want to bare her breasts.
In the nude scene?
Why are we paying her $3 million?
She got religion.
Her religion bars her from fulfilling her contract.
Claire?
Claire.
Claire?
What is it, pal?
What?
I can't do it, Walt.
You can't do what?
It isn't right. I can't.
I know I signed the contract.
I don't know if they told me it was in the contract.
Forget the contract. What is it?
I don't want to take my shirt off.
What are these things they're asking of me?
What? I try to be good.
The only thing I care about...
- I know that. - ...is the movie.
I know that. We all know.
- Everybody, they treat me-- - No, they don't.
They treat me like a child.
Now, Claire...
To bare my body--
What are they asking of me?
Now look, Claire.
I want to tell you a story--
What?
Fuck flowers? This isn't about flowers.
This is about a human being.
Lilacs.
Who are these from?
Marty.
That's very thoughtful of him.
- Eleanora Duse-- - I can't.
Listen to me.
Eleanora Duse was playing Hamlet
in London in 1 905
and Royalty could not get a ticket.
She said, “I'm not doing the seven shows a week I signed for.”
She said, “I can't bare my soul seven times a week.
I am an artist.
I'll do four shows a week.”
The greatest actress of her time.
And do you know what her producer said?
What?
Nothing. He held her and he wept,
because he understood that was her life's blood on the stage.
I know. I know.
And did she?
She did the seven shows?
No, she didn't.
But I think you should do this scene.
Wally.
I know. I know.
It's the hardest thing in the world.
And sometimes it seems everybody wants a--
- Yes. - wants a piece of us.
And you know what?
We have to give it.
I don't know what her problem is.
She takes her shirt off to do a voice over.
What's her problem?
The country could draw her tits from memory.
- I-- - Bill...
call her agent in New York.
Tell him she's breaking her contract.
We're very upset with her.
Get someone to double for her.
Her tits. The tit scene.
Call L.A.
I want to see pictures of women's tits.
I'm very sorry.
You're very sorry, you passive aggressive son of a bitch?
Can we replace him?
We start shooting in three days.
You want to see the fireman's costumes?
Because I found this moleskin for the color?
Marty Rossen's touched down.
It's not black, but it looks black.
It's not brown--
Yup, it's faggy without being homosexual.
Wait, wait, wait. wait, wait.
He gets a second chance, do you see?
And you get a second chance.
No, I don't.
He doesn't go back to the mill.
He gets a second chance to go back to the firehouse.
You don't need the old mill.
This is what-- you see?
This is what your-- This is what the script is saying?
Hi, Annie.
Hi, Emma, see you tonight.
- Go, you Huskies. - Go you, Huskies.
What I see you saying is you have the two elements, fire and water.
The firehouse and the old mill.
You know, you could--
What are you doing tonight?
- Me? - Yeah.
Tonight?
I have play practice.
Oh.
That's important.
Come on, people. Let's hump it. Let's go!
Yeah.
Let's go, let's go! Come on, come on.
You call the broad out?
No, I left that for you.
That's thoughtful.
Mmm, this is good. Did you try this?
Oh, I'm really going to eat carbohydrates.
Dump this somewhere.
What did you do, build this?
- How was your flight? - We're flying over pigs.
- We're flying over sheep. - Did you bring Bob's weights?
They're coming FedEx.
- What's in the bags? - My undies.
'Cause you can't get this picture off, I'm going to wet myself.
- I'm going to get it off. - 55 days I take home the camera.
Oh, I got an idea for a product placement--
- Hi, Shelly. - Hi, Doc.
- How's the arm? - Still itching.
Good. A sign it's getting well.
Good afternoon.
- Stop. - That's what I told you.
How are you getting on with these fine people?
Like dykes and dogs.
Did you see the grosses for “Ghandi II”?
Yeah? Come in?
Ah, good.
I just uh...
Prices are going up.
That's the way of the world, isn't it?
Everybody's got to eat.
The way of the world.
I'm being pretty impolite.
Would you like some?
I don't eat vegetables.
Well, I could offer you something to drink.
Sure, what have you got?
What do you drink?
Bourbon and milk.
How old are you?
Then I hope you wouldn't tell anyone
that I gave this to you.
I would never tell anyone anything that happened
between me and somebody who was my friend.
Yeah.
Nice town you got here.
We could see it a lot better if we were on the roof.
Wouldn't that be dangerous?
Not if you have something to hold onto.
The requirement is you tell me what the shot is.
Because if you cannot tell me what is it
how can I take pictures of it?
Wally wants me to push in through the window.
How can I push in through the window?
- Yeah. No. Um... - Telephone.
Scusa.
Pronto?
Hello. How are you?
I thought you had play practice.
- What happened? - The cast stood me up.
They're all preparing for the auditions for your movie.
My glasses fell apart. I lost the--
Lost the screw?
- Good evening, Annie. - Evening, sweetheart.
Go, you Huskies.
You said it.
Do you like kids?
I never saw the point of them.
Me, too.
Do you have a paper clip to fix my glasses?
Better idea.
Hold up, Cathy, I need you.
Oh, watch out for that lure.
Can I get some fishing line?
Okay, let's see what we've got.
A little fishing line, a little country wisdom
and the world's our oyster.
I'm going to fix you up a brand new hinge.
It'll be as good as new.
Better than new because it has a story.
Uh huh.
Presto chango.
The inherently helpful qualities
of every day household things.
Uh huh.
There you go.
Let me try it.
Careful you don't burn yourself.
Ow!
God.
You know what you got there?
You got a fish hook in your finger.
I'm right proud of you.
Let me tell you something, Wally he's a pussycat.
My thing is to see everybody does what they said they would.
Now what is this?
You want $800,000 to do what you're being paid to?
You already signed you'd do?
What is that?
I think I should talk to my agent.
You and I should... we should really--
- Who is her agent? - Mitch Cohen.
Get him on the phone.
He's on the island.
Get him on the phone? I want you to hear this.
It's ringing.
I really think that business matters
should be discussed between you two.
I'm gonna discuss them between you because it's your idea.
If you're going to sign to do a job and then hold us up, you are in error.
- He's on the phone. - Thank you.
Mitch, this is Marty Rossen, I'm here in...
- Waterford, Vermont. - I'm somewhere on location.
I'm going to solve it here or this bimbo you sent me
is going to be doing a donkey act on public access television.
- Hi. - Her tits. Her tits?
That she signed in her contract.
We hired her because of 1 0 years at the actor's studio?
The way she played Medea?
Her last two pictures laid on the screen like my first wife.
- You have no right-- - Cool it, you started this.
- What's the--? - Where have you been?
You tell me, you tell me now. I got to shoot on Wednesday!
I will not pay your blood money.
P.S. I put the word out on the street
and Betty Boop can look for work in squiggle-vision?
Sit down.
I don't think you should talk to a lady like that.
- Would you excuse me, please? - You can't treat me like this.
I'm not a child.
- She's absolutely right. - I'm not a child?
I have feelings. I mean, don't you--
Don't-- Don't--
Because I want to tell you something
and I think you know what I mean.
Well, you call him and you call me back,
but this is it, pal. You fuck with me
and I'm going to tear out your heart
and piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest.
And the best to Marion. Where have you been?
He says they're looking for you all day.
You're on salary, he needs pages.
What are you--? You been haguing?
- Now-- - Marty?
Later for that, let's get this.
We need the pages for “The Old Mill”.
We need a new title. We need--
Rewrite for Bob, the dead horse scene.
Whatever it is, go do it.
How are you doing on the permit?
- It's just a formality. - That's why I want it.
Go on, type it up and get it back to me.
I can't.
Don't tell me you can't write it.
No, I can write it. I can't type it.
Why?
Hurt my finger.
Get a typist. Get him a typist!
Get out of here.
Get out of here or we're going to have you killed.
800 grand to show her tits.
Pay her.
I don't got the money.
Find the money.
I got a company that will give us
a million dollars to put their product in the film.
A product placement.
- Yeah, take a look. - What is it?
No no no no!
Just find me the money!
This is Joe White in 201.
They're sending up a typist.
Okay. No, I thank you. It's here.
Come in.
Hi.
May I come in?
Please.
You said, “You can't talk that way to a lady.”
You stood up for me.
What do you have to drink?
I don't drink.
Matzoh.
Are you Jewish?
Well, actually--
I love Jewish men.
Why?
You know.
Where's your bathroom?
You liked the script, huh?
- Where have you been. - Hi.
- We had a date. - We did?
- Where have you been? - I've been thinking.
Well, I know, because they told me
you were with that writer from the--
You see, this is what I mean.
The whole town's been warped
by the presence of the movie company.
They holler and we jump.
You have a date, they call,
you're doing business 9:00 at night.
I wasn't doing business.
Oh, well, what were you doing, then
that's so important you shouldn't call your fiancé?
I... have to tell you
that's it's all over between us, Doug.
I...
met somebody else and it's very serious
and it's over.
Wait. So serious you couldn't call to tell me you'd be--
What did you say?
It's all over between us.
I've met someone else.
Who is this person that you've found?
He works on the movie.
No, don't tell me that.
I'm sorry.
Can you type?
If you can, they need you at the hotel.
Can you type?
Never admit you can type.
Okay.
All right, look--
I feel so close to you.
I like you very much.
I like you, too.
Look, I met someone.
- Who is it? - Room service.
Could you leave it just outside the door?
You have to sign for it.
Would you excuse me?
Of course.
- Hi? - Oh, God.
I'm going to be your typist for this evening.
And here's some hydrogen-peroxide.
I don't drink.
It's for your finger.
That's very thoughtful.
Here I am. Shall we get down to it?
Thought you might like these.
Well, thank you very much.
Read the card.
“To the love of my life. Love, Doug.”
The other side.
Oh. Wait! Wait.
Where are you going?
Don't you think we should put these in water?
For God's sake, why?
Because if you don't, they die?
Hmm.
And in my opinion that makes them
so much less attractive.
Wait wait wait! Don't do that.
You shouldn't do that. Wait.
Yup, the little things mean a lot.
Yes, the little things mean a lot.
It's so true.
For example, I once had an uncle who was bit by a spider
and he lost his sense of smell.
Can I have a cracker?
Shouldn't we start?
Let's start--
Start typing.
This isn't a good time.
Oh, all right.
Then I'll come back at a better time.
What would be a better time?
Later on.
Then I'll come back then.
You going out with your fiancé tonight?
No, no, that's not happening.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hi.
It occurred to me you'd want to have this,
sort of as a memento of our--
Oh, I hope I'm not disturbing you.
She came in here--
Wait, she--
I was giving her a massage.
Wait.
Wait, she came in here--
She--
With all due respect,
she took off her clothes
and she got into bed
and I told her we could not
because we don't know each other--
We had a script conference.
And I said, “Thank you very much.”
I had a couple questions about a line.
But, uh--
It was inconvenient because...
because--
You can do it.
Because I met someone else.
Oh, okay.
You believe that?
I do if you do.
But it's absurd.
So is our electoral process but we still vote.
Wait.
Do you truly think the electoral process is absurd?
I used to go out with a politician.
You used to go out with him? You broke up with him?
Time for a change.
Keep your margins straight.
Yes.
Don't worry about that permit.
That is right fine of you, Mr. Mayor.
George.
- Morning, George. - Chuckie.
Sherry, your brother's here.
We're glad to have you here.
My wife, Sherry,
we're having a party Tuesday night--
Walt and Bob Barrenger--
invite them over-- home cooked meal.
- If you'd like to join us. - I'd be honored.
- Sherry, this is Mr., uh... - Where the hell have you been?
It's a quarter after 9:00.
- I've been on the phone-- - Morning, Mrs. Bailey.
I have two days--
This is Mr. Rossen. He is the producer--
- Hello. - I am so glad to meet you?
We're glad to have you here and welcome to our--
Yearly, we redecorate to restore it
to the original 1 835 condition.
- What is that? - The house.
The original kitchen, of course, burned in 1 960,
as part of a spate of suspicious fires,
which in fact, lead to the inspiration
of the formation of the Waterford Huskies?
My, oh, my!
Would you like a cup of tea?
George, I have to talk to you.
This is Mr. Rossen. He's the producer.
I want you to hear this, pal.
Forget the overages, forget $1 0,000 for three days to two weeks.
Do you know what it would cost to build this town as a set?
$6 million.
Now the Waterford Merchant's Association
demands through me as their council
5% of the profits of the movie,
as geared to the most favorable definition of profits
of either “A,” the producer--
Counselor, I am sure--
No, I am positive,
we can reach some accommodation.
I am thrilled and relieved to hear you say that,
and thank you, sir. What did you have in mind?
Don't tell me you don't have any wallpaper.
I told you we could have it by Wednesday.
Don't tell me you don't have any wallpaper.
The biggest grossing box office star in the world
is coming to dinner on Tuesday.
Well, if you'd ordered something common...
I'm going to give you something common.
I'm going to give you an injunction as well.
Mr. Mayor.
Mr. Mayor--
Why you cheap, little heb.
“Assembly of Death” did $95 million the first weekend.
Yeah, but those grosses are inflated.
You think so?
Well, you got to look at the per screen averages.
Hi, Annie.
I'm sorry I haven't been to a meeting of the drama club.
Oh, that's too bad.
Hello.
What's the matter?
I can't seem to get it to come out right.
What's the scene?
It used to be the old mill.
What do you got?
They meet on Main Street,
her horse has just died.
He's coming from the fire.
Annie, do you want something to eat?
What's the scene about?
I don't know anymore.
Have you seen Carla?
No.
He sees her on the street.
He wipes the soot from his eyes.
He goes up to her--
“What happened to the horse?”
He-- She...
looks at him.
She takes his hand--
- Ow. - I hurt you.
I hurt your finger.
What happened to his finger?
It was burnt.
Then it was really hurt.
Ah ah ah?
That's what she says.
He says,
“Sister, I've come from a fire.”
But she realizes
it was not the fire that hurt him,
that the true hurt was her.
- Was her unbridled sexuality... - Yes. Yes.
because, because it's about purity.
It's... it's...
it's...
And then you don't need the nude scene.
Because it's about purity!
Take any two people-- Take you and me--
I've always thought so.
The finest people you could ever hope to work with.
Do you have the new old mill pages?
I can't find the writer.
Totally false.
He is the most responsible human being I have ever--
- I have to talk to you. - Not now.
My wife is going to have a baby.
That's great. Let's bring more people
into this over crowded world.
Yes?
Yes, I know what you mean.
Yes, that's very, very true.
Take it off.
Take off that stupid, fucking shirt right now.
Take it off.
Well, if I had to say one thing,
it's about purity.
Miss Wellesley's bags, please.
Claire?
The plane is waiting.
I've written a letter to the studio
and to SAG protesting-- Get a copy of that letter.
I just want to say I am past chagrin.
I am mortified at the way you were spoken to.
An artist of your caliber.
When I read this script I said there is only
one person to play that part.
The minute I read the script I said--
I know.
I said she works with animals,
she has a home.
A woman who--
The community respects her. Please don't go.
What can I do but beseech you?
Trauma? Toil?
All things must end.
You just get an idea and try to find
the best way to express it pictorially.
Claire?
Claire.
As an interpretive artist to a creative artist,
stay with me, I need you.
We start to shoot in two days.
Then it belongs to us.
Stay.
Tonight when they've all gone, let's talk.
Let's really talk. We'll have dinner.
A bottle of bad red wine. We'll eat spaghetti--
I'm sorry, it's gone beyond that.
I've enjoyed it, too.
I've always enjoyed your publication.
Any time.
What does that woman want from life?
She wants $800,000 to show her tits.
Pay her off.
- We don't have the money. - Find the money.
If you do the product placement--
It's a computer company.
- Bazoomer Com?! - Bazoomer dot com.
I can't put a computer in a film shot in 1 895!
You want to tell me how to do that?
The art department had some ideas.
No no no no! Just pay her off!
Call Howie.
Give me Howie Gold.
Howie, this is--
I need 800 grand.
I don't care where it comes from.
It comes out of our end.
Well, that's a shock.
- I need-- - She doesn't show her tits?
Just get me the money.
Hey, she doesn't show her tits?
She doesn't show her tits.
Her breasts symbolize motherhood.
The breasts symbolize motherhood?
The movie's about purity.
So we don't show her breasts.
We show them to him.
She keeps her back to the camera.
It'll hurt the box office.
They know what her tits look like.
Know? They could draw them from memory.
You are fantastic.
What a find you are? Get out of here.
I still need the dead horse scene.
- I'm going to nail it. - I know you are.
- Go, you Huskies. - Go, you Huskies?
- Mr. Rossen? - Yeah?
Thank you.
We just got the permit.
Stop her at the airport!
Catch the broad at the airport.
Send her back here.
Catch the broad at the airport.
That Joe, he is one hell of a kid.
He just saved us 800,000 bucks?
He's got a gift for fiction.
We got to do something nice for him.
Hey, come here.
Turn around.
Get him a bottle of--
Get him some maple syrup.
Stick this card on it and put it in his room.
- Who? - Joe, the writer!
Joe, the writer, maple syrup, yes, sir.
Grows on trees.
Actually, it's an extract of the tree.
Oh, bullshit.
I see some of our buddies got themselves a part in the movie.
You see where Tom Miller is playing the old farmer.
He's been playing the old farmer now for 60 years.
I read for that part. I did pretty well, too.
I bet you did.
But I couldn't remember all the words.
Asked them would they give me a second chance.
Ain't no second chances in life.
- Is that true? - The only second chance we get
is to make the same mistake twice.
The only...
second chance...
is the chance...
to make the same--
Okay, you're going to be all right.
So that happened.
Are you all right?
- Am I all right? - Yeah.
Well, I'm going to tell you something.
We have to get her out of here.
Who?
- Are you all right? - What?
You gotta get out of here.
All right.
No.
You gotta get out of here.
Oh.
Okay.
But here's the kicker--
Do you have a cigarette?
What?
No, forget about it.
No, he's fine, Howie, he's going to be fine.
He got knocked around a little bit.
You're going to be fine. I'll stop by tomorrow.
Thanks for your help.
It's what I do for a living.
Seriously, thank you for helping us out.
Believe it or not, I've seen it all before.
Howie wants to talk to you.
Hey, Howie.
I'm fine.
I'll be ready Wed--
I'm here to make a movie, don't worry--
Hey, pal, when did I ever let you down be--
Okay, babe.
I love you, too.
He wants to talk to you about the...
Howie, I'm calling you back, two minutes.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
I reached over to-- the girl had to be home.
I don't know, a school night--
Bobby--
Everybody needs a hobby.
I wonder if I can take a moment of your time.
I need a day off.
My wife is having a rough time.
Thank you for keeping me current.
Howie Gold, please.
Walt Price, I was just on with him.
Walt?
He's fine.
If there's anything I can do--
No no no, you've done it.
Thank you. It's going to be fine.
Howie, Walt here? I'm sorry, it's crazy.
No no no, he's 110%.
He got banged on the head. He got a shot of adrenaline.
What request for money?
Howie, what request--? That Marty--?
Is Mr. Barrenger in there?
Howie, I'm going to call you right back.
It's really raining out there, huh, officer?
I guess it is.
Could I see Mr. Barrenger, please?
Okay, what is she, 1 9, 20?
- Oh, Christ! - Look-- Okay. Okay.
You're driving... countryside, so on.
You picked her up, she was hitch hiking--
No, she hid in the back of your car.
- It happens all the time. - Wait wait wait.
Can I see Mr. Barrenger, please?
Wait, we can't put her in the car.
She gets it in her head to sue or rape--
- She wasn't in the car. - You were all alone.
There's no witnesses.
There's no witnesses, right?
No, just Joe.
Joe, the writer.
Just him and me.
Then she wasn't in the car. Say it.
She wasn't in the car.
Mr. Barrenger?
Yes?
I'm very sorry to--
What seems to be the problem?
I have to ask you some questions.
Do you have a valid driver's license?
Of course he has.
Could I see it, please?
- What? - Your driver's license.
Were you under the influence?
No.
And who was driving the car?
I was alone in the car. I was driving the car.
Uh huh.
Well, now, Mr. Barrenger, I'm very sorry.
In fact, I'm as sorry as I can be, but--
I'm an attorney, if there's anything
you have to say to Mr. Barrenger,
you can say it to me.
I have to give you this ticket
for damage to city property.
I'm really sorry, sir. It's a formality.
You have to what?
It's a formality.
Any case of damage to city prop--
You hit the control box of the new stop light
and they're going to send you a bill.
They'll, uh-- These things happen.
I hope you're all right.
Don't worry, but that's so sweet of you.
If there's anything I can do to make your stay more pleasant.
We appreciate your concern, officer.
- Thank you so much. - Not at all.
Yeah?
Hello, Mr. Mayor.
Walt Price.
No, no.
He's fine.
Well, he's right here.
You're not to see that girl again.
Do you understand me?
Hello?
No, he's right here. Would you like to--
Bob, are you all right?
- Hi? - Hi.
Where are you going?
- Going home. - Going home? Yeah.
- I told them what you said. - What?
I told them what you said about the script.
I didn't say anything. I was just talking out loud.
- How else can you talk? - No, that's true.
I told them you can't portray with the picture
what you're saying with the words.
I don't know, the movies-- I don't know.
They should be socially uplifting.
Why does she have to show her--
What is this?
Yes, sir, Joseph Knight's print shop.
Vacant for 30 years.
- Is it? - Yup, and it's for sale.
You want to see it?
I have the key in my store.
I'd love to.
How's your movie star?
Gosh, you look nice.
What?
What are you going to do with it, the print shop?
Oh.
It's wet out there.
Hey, slip into something more comfortable.
So what would you do with it?
The print shop?
Start back up “The Waterford Sentinel.”
“The Waterford Sentinel”?
Town newspaper.
I got it all worked out.
Yeah?
- Show you the plans? - Sure.
1 865, Devil's Tail Press.
“The Waterford Sentinel,” the voice of the mountains.
You shall not bear false witness.
- The press still works? - It did as of last week.
You printed the poster here?
The best way I know to get ink on your hands.
Well--
Oh my.
Life in the country.
The past comes to our rescue once again.
Yeah, you could print the newspaper here.
That's something a man could do.
You know what else a man could do?
What?
One moment.
All right, out you go. Don't come back.
Go home, Bucky. Go home, boy.
I left the keys inside in my jacket.
Well--
I suppose I should be...
heading home.
Evening, Annie.
Evening, Cal.
Got an umbrella?
No.
That's all right.
You can have my coat. I'll walk you home.
Then you'll be wet.
I'm going off shift. Come on, I'll walk you home.
People. People, people, people.
Every movie's got to be about something,
and it's got to be about just one thing.
What is this movie about?
It's about what we always said it was about.
We were lost, but now we're back on the right track.
You see, what I'm saying? The movie is about purity.
Barrenger: I've always seen that.
So we don't show your breasts,
we show your reaction to it.
- I am so comfortable with that-- - It was Joe's idea.
And you were exactly right.
- This is great work. - Thank you so much.
We're not out of the woods. I need that dead horse scene.
I have Mr. Barrenger's tuna BLT.
Thank you.
I tried to take it to him in his room--
I think he's moved.
You know what Walt said makes a lot of sense.
Listen, the audience isn't coming to see your breasts.
They're coming to see your acting.
- What are you doing this evening? - I'm having dinner with Walt.
- Do you want to come? - Do you mind?
- Not at all, you kidding me? - Isn't she a trip?
We're going to have some local food,
some roadhouse-- Joe, wanna go?
Got a date.
Already he's learned how to write a movie
and he's found some girl to get his toes curled.
- You're a monster! - Too kind.
Quit your kidding.
How are we coming with the dead horse scene?
You can't actually kill the horse.
Oh, fuck me.
Yes, yes, I'm trying.
When is your mom coming?
Oh.
What did the midwife say?
Where are we going to dinner?
Did you get a reservation?
You were going to book us--
Where is my schedule? Where we going to dinner?
What's your problem?
My wife's having a baby.
Is that on the call sheet?
Or is that personal business?
Oh, Christ, Marty!
Are we paying you?
I--
She didn't even finish knitting me the sweater.
Morning, Doc.
Morning.
What are you doing here, Doug?
I thought you started out the day
with that pernicious caffeine.
Kiss my ass.
He's had a hard day.
Ann deserted him for some guy on the movie.
Well, they don't always leave
with the ones they come in with.
Big day last night.
Hoped to tell you.
Didn't I pick the fragments of glass
out of Bob Barrenger's actual head myself?
- Morning, Carla. - Morning, Uncle Ron.
Morning, Carla.
Morning, Doc. Morning, Doug.
A cluster of events.
Don't see something for 1 0 years,
all of a sudden, three times in a night.
Who got glass in their head?
What?
Who got glass in their head?
Oh, uh, Barrenger,
and another fellow who works on the movie,
a cameraman.
You said three.
Did I? I think you're mistaken.
I wasn't in the car.
We'll just see about that.
Doug, she said she wasn't in the car.
Jack, it's time to rip the band-aid off!
Mister, you're going to jail.
I didn't know it was illegal.
I beg you pardon.
Could somebody explain to me--
We've got to turn this hotel upside down.
A-ha?
Arrest him.
What's the problem?
- Arrest him. - For what?
Conspiracy in statutory rape.
Conspiracy in statutory rape?
Okay, of whom?
- This young woman. - Nobody touched me.
- Who was it that raped you? - Nobody.
Well, what's the beef?
She was in the car with Bob Barrenger.
She was injured coming home from a love tryst.
You were in the car with Bob?
No.
Then what is the--
Then what is this, you son of a bitch?
Because if you haven't heard about the laws
of malicious prosecution, you're about to.
Don't flinch while I'm talking to you,
you speed trap shaygits.
The kid was not in the car. She says she wasn't in the car.
No one says that she was in the car.
You have no case. So I'm not playing patsy with you.
Look me in the eyes.
I made 11 million bucks last year and I don't like being trifled with.
Now I think the better part of valor is for you to step away.
Or you, your kids, and your grandchildren
will die in poverty.
What do you think?
We have a movie to make. Can we all pull together here?
Have a cigar.
There you go.
In a communist country if a fellow makes an accusation
these are the things that occur--
It's a mistake. It's all over.
I'm sorry that we've inconvenienced you.
I wasn't in the car.
We know that you weren't. We're all aware of that.
Because you treat me like a child.
You treat me like a child.
That's why I can't come.
Uh...
He took advantage of me?
I got to admit I'm a bit confused.
I'm going to straighten you out.
Officer, will you see these folks home?
Yes, sir.
She's upset and impressionable.
Get me my law book and the mayor.
I was talking to that girl in there.
- Overcome by the events... - I never touched her...
- A high powered fantasy. - On my mother's grave.
We were talking about the script.
I think you might want to get dressed.
I really don't understand the problem.
- Wally-- - All right.
Carla: I want to go home.
If somebody would enlighten me.
That's what I'm here for.
Carla.
Adolescence is a difficult time.
It is a time of dreams.
Many young folks dream of Hollywood.
I know I did.
And here Hollywood has come to you.
She told me she was studying Phonics.
I'm going to need her birth certificate.
Carla, I swear that girl in my room--
Be quiet, Bob.
It's called a script conference.
You have a fertile mind.
We use people like that in our work.
You said you were doing your homework!
Because if that's not true, you're grounded?
Can we get him home, please?
- I-- - I don't think so.
If you think I'm fooling, wait until I get you home.
It occurs to me
that there's a part in our movie--
I would appreciate it if you wouldn't speak to the complainant.
There's part, a young girl-- Am I right?
Here, statutory rape, blah blah blah.
Carla, you know at the beginning of any relationship--
Keep him away from me until the end of time.
Unsupported testimony of the complainant--
You travel with the statutes on rape?
Carla.
Conflicting statements, a coerced accusation--
You got a complainant who's worthless.
You've got no witness that puts her in the car,
and you've got no backing.
Yeah? Maybe we better talk to the mayor.
- Hello, Mr. Mayor. - Is that the mayor?
- It's just an unfortunate-- - Is he cool or angry?
So, today we got lucky.
If your memory was as long as your dick you'd be in good shape.
How long since you almost went to jail for this shit?
How could she turn on me? I thought she liked me.
Can we keep our pants buttoned and get out of this in one piece?
- I'm ready. - Well, stay ready.
- Stay by yourself in your room. - What am I going to do for fun?
Why don't you learn your lines?
-I know my lines. - You do?
I just don't know what order they come in.
I'll tell you what--
Let's ditch these cockamamie locals.
- They play too rough. - Let's go to some roadhouse.
Just us. You, me and Claire.
We'll drink a bottle of wine.
- Now you're talking. - Just get in the car and go.
Yeah, someplace real.
You and me, pal.
What are you doing for fun?
I went for a ride on a tractor.
- Get out. - Nope.
You went for a ride on a tractor?
Yup, last night.
Hey, Molly, will you get me a ham sandwich?
Hey, you got to eat a pack of dirt.
My wife just went into labor.
Half a buck I'd close it down.
It's perfidy.
You got Barrenger molesting little girls.
- He should be put in jail. - I'd put him in jail.
- You should. - If I had a witness I would.
A witness to what?
To the rape. Even to the accident.
You mean with White?
What?
You mean you need a witness in addition to White?
- Who's White? - The writer.
- He saw the accident? - Sure.
He saw the girl in the car?
You bet he did.
Well, that's what I'm talking about.
Don't you touch that.
Excuse me.
- I want them gone. - I signed the permit.
- I want them thrown in jail. - Sherry. Sherry.
I want them to starve in a great big hole
and I'm going to go there and piss on them.
What?
Get me the state police.
The sleepy little town of Waterford, Vermont,
where movie star, Bob Barrenger,
fresh with his troubles with the law last year,
is once again in hot water,
involved in a car crash with a young,
a very young, woman.
Mr. Barrenger is being arraigned today
for moral turpitude and several other--
Make sure you got your facts straight.
You step off the line and I'm gonna sue you personally.
Bobby!
Good morning, where are you taking Mr. Barrenger?
We're looking for a Mr. Joseph Turner White.
- What are you doing? - He's under arrest.
I'm his lawyer. And you must be Perry Mason.
Guess what?
You are one half step from a world of hurt.
How diverting? The mayor's going to have your ass.
- Can I watch? - You guess what?
The mayor sent me.
I have your Mr. Barrenger with a history--
A history of nothing. He was acquitted.
Moral turpitude. What are you waiting for?
- Don't say anything. - Nothing happened.
You're on my home court. I got the mayor and the town behind me.
And forget making your movie.
I may own the studio when I get through.
I got a civil suit. I got rape. I got collusion.
You got nothing. You don't have a witness?
And I have a witness? Your Mr. White saw the crime.
- He told you that? - He didn't have to.
I need to talk to him. Will you excuse me?
Oh, you're his attorney, too?
- Later for you, pal. - Okay.
Marty!
Bob's in the slammer. You do that, I'll do this.
What are you going to do?
Go be with him.
- Hey, Marty. - Hi, pal.
I need to talk to you.
Okay.
He's going to give you a couple of minutes.
What's it all about?
I saw the accident.
How do they know that? You told them?
- No. - What did you say to them?
I didn't say anything to them.
Good. Come here.
That's very good.
Have a seat.
How do you know you saw it?
- I don't understand. - Perhaps you didn't see it.
Perhaps you didn't see it.
I saw it. I was there.
You were there...
at 1 0:35?
Yeah, I was walking down the street
and I remember... I was writing--
What glasses were you wearing?
Were you wearing your reading glasses?
I--
You told me you were writing.
Don't you wear your reading glasses to write?
Isn't that what you told me?
Hold on.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I've got to go to the jail.
Be strong.
What am I gonna do?
You gotta tell them you saw the accident, don't you?
I can't do that.
If I tell them, they'll try Bob for rape
and it will ruin his career.
But that's what happened.
But they'll stop the movie.
Maybe there'll be other movies.
They'll blackball me.
Carla was in the car.
What am I gonna do?
A lot of hubbub in the street.
I'm taking you the back way.
Two minutes?
Let's speak English. You gotta help the side.
You want me to lie?
To the contrary, I want you to tell the truth.
Truth is you can't tell me that you saw the thing.
You don't remember which glasses you've got on.
If you're not sure, then they've got nothing and Bob walks free.
This is a damn roust and everybody knows it.
The guy wants to make a name for himself.
If we let him do that, then we're being false to our community.
Do you understand? To our world.
And you're a part of that world.
I got a five picture deal with the studio.
You stick with me, you write one, two more--
You stick with me, you'll direct the next one.
The girl wasn't in the car.
You got to go.
Joseph Turner White.
Hear ye, hear ye.
Sixth District Court in for the county of Codona,
State of Vermont.
The Honorable James Addison Flynn presiding.
All those with business before this honorable court draw near
you will be heard.
Mr. White, this is a simple matter of--
All we need is a simple fact or two.
You're going to give your recollections of the accident
at the corner of State and Main.
Would you please swear him in?
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
I do.
The arraignment, as we said, of Bob Barrenger.
The Bob Barrenger, star of “The Old Mill”
about to begin shooting here in picturesque and sleepy--
or we should say, formerly sleepy--
Yes, yes...
Yes, it's Claire Wellesley.
We're going to try to get a look at her.
Let's go. Stay with me.
Morning, Doc.
Morning, Billy. Where are you headed?
Down to the corner to see the ruckus.
Watch the curbs now.
Good morning.
Where are you off to?
Uh...
I'm leaving.
Why?
I perjured myself.
I told a lie, and I ruined my life.
That's what I did.
I don't suppose you could help me with that, could you?
Turn back the clock or something?
You know, to give me back my...
give me back my purity?
I don't suppose you could wave your magic wand
and do that, could you?
For what is truth?
Isn't that the thing, what is true?
The truth is you never should trust
anybody who wears a bow tie.
Here.
A cravat is supposed to point down,
to accentuate the genitals.
Why do you want to trust somebody
whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?
Aren't you supposed to set an example for people?
Nope.
Just supposed to hold their hands while they die.
What did you say your problem was?
- Hi, Doc. - Oh, morning, Chrissy.
How's the back?
I ruined my life.
Isn't that funny you can actually do it
in one moment, just like they say?
I ruined my life back in that courthouse.
- What courthouse? - The courthouse back in town.
The town ain't got no courthouse.
What?
It ain't got no courthouse.
Courthouse burned down in 1 960.
Where do they hold court?
To hold court they have to-- science lab
at the high school.
Morning, Judge, what brings you down here?
Supposed to be hearing some deposition.
Some fool saw the accident the other night.
Did the courthouse burn down?
Courthouse burned down 1 960.
Part of a spate of fires--
old mill, courthouse--
Supposed to have been set by some deranged teenager.
Gave rise to the Waterford Huskies.
I thought you needed to get it out of your system.
The American system of jurisprudence,
which differs from ours in the following respects:
They have their Bill of Rights,
equal perhaps to our Magna Carta.
What are you gonna do?
Tell the truth.
I would now like to address you
on the responsibility of the prosecutor's office.
The job is not always a happy one,
but there comes a time now and then
in the life of the community for the display of force.
So be it.
Now it falls to my lot to join the fray,
to join in battle and to exterminate
by means of this criminal indictment,
to exterminate the vermin...
He's got toilet paper on his face
and he's sweating like a pig.
...a license granted him by a gracious nation,
who spew filth and degradation
and who--
Damnit. Who pollute the minds--
We're live in five minutes. Do you need to clean up?
Yes, thank you.
Do something.
You tell me what to do. I'll do it.
I was just paying off my spread in Montana.
Excuse me, sorry.
I'm here to give my deposition.
Joe?
Thank God. It's up to you, pal.
- I'm out. - I don't get you.
The girl was in the car.
I treated you like a son, or a nephew--
It's not about you--
No, what's it about then?
I have to tell the truth.
That is just so narrow.
The girl was in the car.
Then you're finished in showbiz.
So be it.
And we're going to sue you for a billion dollars.
What cause?
I don't need a cause.
I just need a lawyer!
I'm a lawyer.
- Howie? - Yeah.
Howie, what are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
I just flew seven hours because you asked me here.
What for?
For this, and I hope you need it,
because it's coming out of your budget.
Hi.
I would prefer it if you didn't speak to me.
You know,
there's nothing you could say
that could possibly make a difference.
So why don't you just save your breath?
Okay.
You forgot your case.
That's not my case. That's your case.
Oh, it's mine? What did I put in it?
$800,000 in cash.
And what was it you wanted to say?
Good yuntiff.
Officer.
I'm supposed to give my deposition.
The judge will be with you in a minute.
I'm going to have to go to jail.
I'll knit you a sweater.
I might be in there a long time.
I'll knit you a jump suit.
Well, okay. Okay, then.
I've come to give myself up.
Hi, Annie.
Hi, Judge.
Good to see you, girl.
I've come to give myself up.
You're going to have to give yourself up to someone else.
I'm going to get in some golf.
Why don't you give yourself up to her?
That's what I'd do if I were you.
I have learned a lesson and the lesson is this:
That everybody needs a second chance.
You, me and these fine film people here.
You know, they have a high profile
but that doesn't mean they aren't deserving of our trust
and of our respect.
I think there's a lesson here.
The lesson is this:
It is a lesson of tolerance.
And as we look at this industry--
Ssh...
As we look at this clean, American industry,
and as I begin my campaign for congress
in my aspiration toward that city on a hill,
I would like to say this...
This is picture? This is picture?
- Roll camera. - Speed.
“The Fires of Home,” scene one, take one.
Action?
Hold still now.
I guess that fire got a little bit exciting last night, eh, Frank?
Doc, that's their nature.
If you didn't have a little excitement
wouldn't life be dull?
That it would.
What do I owe you?
You quit your kidding.
Hey, Nate, see what you can do with this.
Ha ha, fix it up good as new, Frank.
Morning, Sister.
We missed you in church today.
Sister, I've just come from a fire.
That is an explanation, but it's no excuse.
Let me help you with that.
Sister, I didn't come here to talk about the altitude.
What did you want to tell me about?
Let's talk about something a man could get his hands on.
That's exactly why I want to talk to you.
I wish you had been in church today.
What would I have seen?
You would have seen Father Mulcahy,
that kind, dear old man.
I heard he was ill.
He is ill, and you would have seen him
rise from his bed and hobble to church
and talk about redemption.
If he had been talking to me...
Just as bad. I have no chance of redemption.
Redemption is not offered once, Frank, but continually.
Kind words, Sister.
They are not mine.
And you come by next Sunday,
we'll give you a second chance.
Sister, the only second chance I know
is the chance to make the same mistake twice.
Cut! That's a cut.
Bob, this is great!
We've got to talk about this thing.
Joe. Joe?
I want to change this.
We are going again. We are going again?
Good work, Bob.
Stand by.
Cue the dead horse.
And can we get a crate of doughnuts for the teamsters?
Well, it beats working.
Man #1 : Would you care to identify that song for us?
Man #2: The song is called--
well, the original title, which we can't use any more
is called “The Song of the Old Mill.”
We can't use that title because that's no longer
the name of the movie.
Man #1 : The movie now is called--
Man #2: The movie is now called “The Fires of Home.”
Man #1 : “The Fires of Home,” and this movie is about...?
Man #2: Well, it's about many, many things.
Which I think is a character of any great movie.
It means many different things to many people.
Or three things to three guys.
Man #1 : Let's go the phones.
Maurice is on the line from Medicine Hat, Alberta.
Man: Once more, and can you try to play the notes this time?